My Quit Smoking Diary

Quit day has arrived and I'm ready
Journal Entry: Mon Jul 12, 2004, 5:45 AM

I had my last smoke an hour ago and I haven't gone off the deep end. Early days, I suppose.

I know it'll be hard but I look forward to waking up tomorrow and starting a WHOLE NEW LIFE without cigarettes.

G'night!

Aaaaaggg!
Journal Entry: Tues Jul 13, 2004, 10:45 PM

They say the first few days are the hardest, and hopefully that means I've only got another day or two of hard days to be through the worst. Amazing. It's all I can think about, so I reckoned why not just write about it and get it out of my system, so that's why this page is here. This is where I can rant and rave and be a lunatic (virtually) as I get through the worst of my nicotine addiction and habit.

I have a list of good reasons why I'm doing this to myself, and have it with a tin that used to hold my smokes, but now I've got sunflower and pumpkin seeds in it. Something for me to with my hand and mouth while I work at overcoming a lot of habit time. I also have some lollipops and a special bag of Chuppa Chups which are just for after a meal or at bedtime. I bought some gum but most of it seems to have disappeared (I'm not the only one quiting, everyone in the house is quiting). I even have a theme song at the moment - Sooner or Later, by Alan Parsons Project:

Sooner or later I'll be free
To leave the past behind
Sooner or later you're gonna be
The last thing on my mind
Little by little I'm finding out
The truth behind your eyes
Maybe if I don't show
I thought you might like to know
You're gonna be the last thing on my mind

It is a big breakup though. I've been smoking for 31years. I used to think a lot of stupid things about smoking, but one of the things I'm mad at it the most for at the moment is the times I smoked outside when my mother was visiting. She couldn't handle the smoke, and so instead of doing without or quiting, I'd go outside to have my smoke. I wish I could replace the time I spent doing that with time spent with my Mom.

On the bright side I haven't killed anyone today. I haven't quite gone off the deep end though my attention span is like that of a gnat at the moment. And every 10 seconds there's the 'I want a cigarette' craving. I don't have any, so it's not like I'll be giving in to it, but it sure is annoying.

I tried using the nicotine lozenges and found it's like putting a hot pepper in your mouth and holding it there (in other words, it's painful). That and it instantly makes my heart pound and gives me a bit of an asthma attack so I probably shouldn't use it all. I do have it for those worst case moments, but I'd have to pretty hard up to cause myself that much agony. I'm sure there will be times though.

I tried the 14mg nicotine patches last night, but by 4pm this afternoon I was a lunatic so I switched to the 21mg. It seems to have helped somewhat. So that was the last one of those in the house, so I'll have to pick up some at the chemists tomorrow.

Anyway, I have other things I need to try to do so I better get to it. I thought I'd use this as a means of edging myself into doing other things today. Funny I always thought I had to have cigarettes to write and here I am no smokes and the only thing I can think of to do (besides stuffing my head with nuts and seeds) is to write about it. Like it feels good to complain about it in writing. It's like an official complaint if I write about it. This sucks. I hope it eases soon.

Not sleeping
Journal Entry: Weds Jul 14, 2004, 8:54 AM

Normally this time of the day I'm asleep as we work into the wee hours of the morning and then resume work again around 1am. But I woke up and can't get myself back to sleep. Have given up on the patches and have found that if I chop up the lozenges into at least quarters or even smaller that each small piece is easier to deal with (not as painful) and that the 'hit' it gives is much closer to an actual cigarette. And if I stick with the smaller pieces it should end up being cheaper in the long haul too. So the plan for today is to just see how it goes. But I've made it to day 3 and I've never made it this far before, so there's no stopping me now.

Oh what a price we pay
For the things we say
And the closer I get to you
The further you move away

All the lies we tell
In the games we play
And the longer I think it over
The harder it is to stay

Sooner or later I'll be free
To leave the past behind
Sooner or later you're gonna be
The last thing on my mind
Little by little I'm finding out
The truth behind your eyes
Maybe if I don't show
I thought you might like to know
You're gonna be the last thing on my mind

Adjusting
Journal Entry: Weds Jul 14, 2004, 8:39 PM

Today has been much less intense than yesterday. Using the technique of a few small bits of nicotine lozenge whenever a craving hits seems to work quite well. I bought a pill cutter today for $3 to help make cutting it easier. Got annoyed at a checkout clerk at Coles and enjoyed being able to have my 'smoke' (lozenge) right in the store instead of having to wait till we walked out. Clerk kept typing in wrong numbers for a package of crumpets into the machine. On the fifth try I told her to just put the crumpets aside and move on to the rest of our groceries. I feared we'd be there all day if she kept repeating her steps. Haven't checked with Rod, but I'm pretty sure I was polite but firm and didn't bite her head off.

My biggest hassle is just sitting here at the computer since it's where I've smoked most of my cigs over the last several years. It's heaps better than yesterday though and hopefully this means the worst has passed. Have to do some work though, I better get to it. This journal is just a way to easy myself into it. And it proves I can write without needing a smoke. :-)

Just give me a cigarette and no one gets hurt
Journal Entry: Thur Jul 15 (16), 2004, 12:43 AM

Not the best of days. Everything out of whack, nothing routine and anything that was was messed up. Couldn't work in the workshop so tried in the bedroom. Didn't help much, but a little less temptation. Having thoughts of walking to buy tobacco, so guess I won't be walking the dog anytime soon. Well at least not towards any of the shops at least. Coughing a lot, which hurts the ribs (have a few broken ones). Anyway, tomorrow is another day.

Made it through another day
Journal Entry: Fr Jul 16 (17), 2004, 12:22 AM

I made it through Day #5. I was a little worried when Rod went to the post office and I was home all alone that I might give in to temptation, but I kept myself busy taking clothes off the line and that passed the time, kept me out of trouble and no giving into temptation. Today I managed to stay working in the workshop but still didn't acheive as much as I would have liked to. It does seem to be getting a little easier though. Am still tearing through the lozenges. Not even close to the 'minimum' recommended amount of nine, but I have gone through seven today. I ordered a bunch (72 x 2) online yesterday but they won't turn up until Monday at the earliest and I'll probably have to buy some more on Sunday to get me through. They'll get used so there's no worries about waste. They do seem to make the difference for me. I just really miss having a nice drag on a cigarette at times. Other times I find myself reaching for one when there's nothing there of course. It's weird. Still another day, I suppose I should celebrate.

Nearly a Week!
Journal Entry: Sun Jul 18, 2004, 11:58 PM

Wow in just 4 1/2 hours, I will have made it an ENTIRE WEEK without smoking. I am so blown away as I've never gone this long before. We went to the movies today (Farenheit 9/11) and as we left the Mall, there was someone smoking a cigarette and it smelled funny. First I've smelled it since quiting, believe it or not. That may actually have been a big help. It'd have to be. Had to laugh... last night I searched the web using Google looking for 'smoke lozenge' and was shocked that this journal comes up at the top of page 3 on Google. How silly is that? Rod says its tough to look up anything when you discover that you're the authority on it. (grin)

I had no problems in the theatre, but I did have the lozenges and used a few so it was no big deal. I had a hellova time when we went to see one of the Lord of the Ring movies a year ago.

Passed a few Milestones
Journal Entry: Fri Jul 23, 2004, 11:57 AM

I've had a busy week. On Wednesday night, I gave a presentation to my computer club, and so spent the early part of the week writing what I was going to say and creating a powerpoint presentation. Giving this talk was a real milestone for me in many different ways. It was the first public speaking I've done since my BC treatment. It takes energy to be able to do a talk since for me it involves a great deal of writing beforehand, and of course, just standing up and talking to a group of people isn't something for wimps. I managed to write all of the presentation (about 10 pages in all) without cigarettes, and of course dealing with the jitters before the talk was a challenge met too. We were a little late however because I left my lozenges at home and made Rod turn around so I could go back for them.

Yesterday I did a complete online and offline inventory of items for Ebay, went grocery shopping, cooked tea, listed 93 items on Ebay, and worked on two web sites. I really do LIKE having the time to do all these things in a day. When I was smoking I used to lose 2hrs every day to rolling cigarettes. I don't miss that.

I STILL have 'cravings' though. That word doesn't quite fit the moment, but I suppose it's what people call it. There are many moments when I either physically reach to my right for a cigarette or have a mental flash of lighting a smoke. It's annoying as it can wreck the moment for me. I can be planning to have a nice cup of tea and then this thing comes along to remind me that something is missing. When this happens, I grab a 1/8th piece of nicotine lozenge and it really does help a LOT, but I don't feel particularly successful at the moment considering Rod is not using any nicotine replacement and appears to be doing really well. We're usually very alike, but my nicotine addiction is much worse than his. I smoked a LOT more than he did in a day and so I guess I probably have more in the way of 'cravings' than he does. He seems surprised that I still want a smoke after all this time (this is day 11 for me). If it weren't for the lozenges I'd be puffing away at the moment.

I'm glad I'm NOT puffing away, as my chest has really cleared itself and I'm not coughing every 5 minutes. I am glad of that!

GRRRrrr. I hate Saturdays
Journal Entry: Sat Jul 24/25, 2004, 1:05 AM

I woke up grumpy, grumped a bunch online (on my DA journal) and then went back to sleep in hopes of waking up a nicer human being. Not sure that happened, but I didn't have any cigarettes even though a few times today I sure wouldn't have minded. All in all I didn't kill anyone and I didn't explode so I couldn't have done too bad. Ahh well, tomorrow is another day. And I like Sundays. :-)

17 Days. Time is going faster again
Journal Entry: Thurs Jul 29, 2004, 4:07 AM

Time is a funny thing. When I first started on this adventure, time slowed to a crawl. The first few days were terribly long. Now the days are once again going at normal 'fast' speed. No sooner than I get started it seems its time to quit for the night again. This is a good sign I reckon.

It's been 17 days and the world hasn't ended. I'm amazed. You see my cigarette addiction in the past had me convinced my world would absolutely spin out of control if I ever quit. And of course, I believed it.

Rod replied to my comments above regarding his efforts that 'appearances can be decieving', meaning he puts up a good front. He's also one of those type people that are practically dead before they'll admit to not feeling well or go to bed when he has the flu so I have to chock up his bravado to his British upbringing. Still, I'm very proud of his efforts. He quit on the first so today makes 29 days or just about an entire month for him, and that's pretty much with using patches only the first week or so. Go Rod!

I'm still using the lozenges and make no apology as it's a 12 week course and even though I'm not using whole ones, I'm still making good use of them. I am now mixing 1/8th pieces with 1/4 pieces. The larger pieces I use at those strong craving times like after dinner or when I wake up, and late at night. Late at night has always been a time when I smoked quite a bit. Sorta like topping up the nicotine levels before going to sleep, if that makes sense. And I tend to do similar in the morning, then taper off during the day until evening when I'm working on projects and then after we turn off the TV and Rod's asleep, I read, write or play Mahjongg and smoke. Well I did. Now I do the above and have lozenge pieces. The 1/8th pieces are the fluffy cigarettes I used to have when I didn't really so much want a smoke but lit one anyway, if that makes sense.

Tonight I also started on crocheting a scarf for myself. I had to teach myself to crochet again as the last thing I made was 16 years ago when I made a baby blanket for my daughter before she was born. It's a difficult yarn though so it takes a bit of effort. But it's something new to do with my hands during the evening. I find the hand thing is really something only comes up during the time from after dinner to bedtime. In bed while watching TV or reading, I have a chuppa chup stick I hold as a cigarette that does the trick for me. In the evening though, I tend to need something more absorbing. I was eatting pumpkin seeds and shelling them but that's sorta messy and not as healthy for me as finding some non-food related thing to do. Having said that, I did buy a bag of pistachio nuts today that were marked down, but will reserve those for future use and as a treat.

Mum is still telling us that we haven't really quit smoking unless we make it 3 months. I can't buy into that though. I really am certain that I have quit and I know that I can never touch another cigarette again. There's just so much bad that outweighs the good. Sometime I'll list my reasons for quiting in this as it'd be good to have the list someplace permanent.

Nearly a Month
Journal Entry: Sun August 8, 2004, 5:03 AM

Tomorrow will mark 4wks since I started this new life. There have been some definite hard times, but the worst is probably/hopefully behind me now. I'm still using the lozenges, and I don't know if it's a fluke or what, but I only had 5 yesterday instead of six. Maybe it's just naturally happening that I'm using less. I'm supposed to cut back on them at six weeks, but I'm not sure how I'll arrange that since the directions are for 1 whole one every 1-2 hours for the first six weeks and I'm cutting mine up into quarters and eigths and doubt I've ever had a whole one in an hours time anyway. It does prove to me that all of these nicotine replacement therapies are set up for people using normal commercially made cigarettes and that by my using the smaller roll up cigarettes I had already cut down my consumption of nicotine. Mind, I also had to spend an hour or two a day rolling the damn things and they still made me cough and made the house smell awful. But anyway, I'm still not sure how to sort out how to cut down on what I'm using now and while I'm not overly worried about it, it's on the back of my mind as it's only a couple of weeks away now.

We had a hard week other than giving up smoking. We had a family member come down with pneumonia and spent all of Monday in the Emergency area of the hospital. It was pouring down with rain and freezing cold and one patient was begging for smokes and I felt quite sad for him. I knew what he was going through and was reminded of how hard it was when I had my mastectomy and woke up in the middle of the night, unable to walk two feet on my own and wanting a cigarette so badly I cried and the nurse on duty just assumed I was crying about my surgery. At least I'll not be in that circumstance again, and while we were inside the ER I could still have my nicotine fix without having to freeze and get wet outside. Later that evening we had our server go down due to a weather related power glitch and couldn't fix it as we were at the hospital still. We also had car dramas during the week too. Mum is coming home tomorrow so things should get back to normal again hopefully.

Anyway, just figured I'd touch base and report on my progress. G'night!

5 Weeks
Journal Entry: Mon August 16(17), 2004, 4:48 AM

Well I've made it five weeks. My teeth are actually getting whiter. Wow, after 30 some years of smoking I figured they were permanently nasty - I'm so thrilled to have been wrong! I'm still on the nicotine lozenges and they give me hicoughs sometimes if I swallow too much nicotine at once. Another side effect is that when I fart, man, I wish I weren't in the same room with myself! Oh well, better to have the occaisonal nasty fart than to smell bad all the time with cigarette smoke.

The thing that really amazes me is I find that I don't miss smoking. I'm to a point where like even after tea I'm not feeling all out of sorts like I had been, and when I wake up, I tend to get up and it can be an hour or so before I reach for a bit of nicotine. There are still times when I do grab more nicotine than others, such as when I'm working on projects in the workshop (like tonight I did invoicing and that seemed to require a constant steady supply of nicotine as I've always smoked like a chimney when doing this task in the past) and late at night as I get ready to go to sleep. Or typing here. But it's those times I can seem to go for hours without even a thought or twinge that astounds me. I really am finding it so much easier than any of my previous attempts. Mind, this is so not an 'attempt'. I am quit. I have absolutely no desire to become a smoker again. It's not something that I want in my life. So there's a big difference between previous tries and this very successful quit. Attitude. Not willpower. I have the willpower of a gnat, but I have tons of attitude, and that combined with self medicating with nicotine is working great.

When I started this diary, I figured I'd be using it to bitch and moan and yet instead have found that I'm just marvelling at how undifficult this experience has been. And I used to be convinced I'd never give up the damn things. The first few days were a bit difficult, especially when trying to use the patches. For one thing, I was using patches that weren't suited for me, and for another I have enough skin problems without adding another thing to it. And they didn't give me anything to with my mouth. I know I could have tried gum or lollies but I'd been down that path before previous times.

Next week will mark six weeks, and that's when I'm supposed to reduce my lozenge use by a bit. I know I'm already using less than six a day though, so I think I will just continue what I've been doing without making any drastic changes as I'm pretty sure that without really even trying I'm already using less every few days. I reckon I'll just carry on and see how many I'm using by time I reach seven weeks. I've reassured myself that even if I go beyond twelve weeks and I'm still using the lozengs that it's alright. I mean, it's still better for my health than smoking and a hell of a lot more socially acceptable. Well, aside from the farts, that is!

I have a novel from the library I'm very near finishing that must be returned in a couple of days so I'd better leave off and go finish it before I succumb to sleep. G'night!

8 Weeks
Journal Entry: Mon September 6, 2004, 3:16 AM

Hey, 8 weeks ... that's two months! Holy cow! I made it this far!

I'm still using the nicotine lozenges, and your supposed to cut back the number you use at 6 weeks. Well I had a hard time with that. I kept thinking about it, and I was getting more stressed about cutting back than about quiting smoking in general! I finally thought 'stuff this', and decided to let things happen, rather than try to force the issue. It's seemed to have worked. I'm now only cutting 3 lozenges into quarters to use the next day, rather than 6. Actually it's 3 one day, 6 the next, then 3 the next. On the days I only need to use 3 to fill the tin, there's always a few pieces leftover from the previous day. So my average is probably closer to 3 and a half or 4, but that's still a drop. So I guess I'm right on track. Another 4 weeks to go and I may be even closer to the eventual goal of not being hooked on nicotine.

Meanwhile though, I've had two calls from Nicobate's 'support' team. The conversation goes: 'Hi this is (name) from Nicobate. How are you going on quiting? Oh, that's great. Are you still using the lozenges? Yes, that's great. And how many are you using a day? Only 6! Excellent. Well you're really doing very well aren't you? Well, talk to you again in two weeks then. Bye!' If I had an issue, I don't think I'd be able to wedge it in to speak of it. The SMS's from them are a bit annoying. They send them at 9 in the morning (for me that's the same as most people's Midnight), and the last two have been to remind me to step down to the next lower strength PATCH. I did fill in a questionaire when signing up, and the phone calls have it correct, so it's a bit weird. Honest, I think they just aren't geared for customers that use lozenges. Ah well, they're the only company that has the license to sell/manufacture the lozenges in Australia so they have a bit of a monopoly on them at the moment and I better be nice as I'm addicted to their product. I hope not for as long as I was addicted to smoking though!

Anyway, for those reading in thinking of quiting, I think you'll be amazed at how much better you feel after a few weeks. In my case some of it could be that I had broken ribs that are finally healing now that I'm not smoking. Not being in pain makes you feel pretty good after a lot of months of being uncomfortable (understatement). I really am very happy and much more energetic these days and I'm sure some of that has to come from quiting. I do have cravings every day but just brief thoughts, not anything deep, serious, scary or anything like that and the quarter lozenges are there if I need them and I do use them. None of this 'being brave' for me. I need the help and go ahead and make use of it.

If you get sticker shock looking at the price of patches and lozenges, let me suggest you search online for an online chemist or pharmacy to order from. I buy from PharmacyDirect.com.au and the lozenges are cheaper than my local chemists by $10 for a box of 72 lozenges. I generally order two boxes at a time to save on postage. I figure I save about $14 on the two boxes together when you take the $5 postage into account.

I'll report back in a couple weeks and let you know how I'm going!

10 Weeks
Journal Entry: Mon September 21, 2004, 4:45 AM

Gee another 2 weeks to go and I can be officially a non-smoker, according to Nicabate and my mum in law. Personally I reckon I'm already a non smoker though!

I have had some rather intense cravings lately. Probably the strongest I've had since the beginning. And beyond. Most of the time it's just figuring out what the f* to do with my self, (learning new habits and such), but the cravings hit in the middle of the night and are wicked.

I wonder if these new moments of cravings could be that I am using the lozenges less and so my body is adjusting to the lower nicotine level by being bitchy about it?

A week ago I went out and forgot my tin that I keep my nicotine lozenges (and other sugar free lollies as well) in. I can't say I didn't have any in the 4 hours I was out as I did have a pack of the full sized lozenges in my purse, but the fact I went out the door without my tin and didn't even realise for an hour or two is promising. On my way home, I was waiting for the bus and there were people on either side of me smoking so I went ahead and used a full sized lozenge to hold me off. I didn't use the whole thing, but nursed it a bit until it nearly gave me hicoughs (swallowing too much nicotine gives you hicoughs!), and then wrapped it up and saved it for my next moment of want.

We also went to a mates 50th birthday bash last weekend. That wasn't as difficult as I thought it might be, but I did make sure I had lots of alternative things available. I did take note of every cigarette in the room, but never was tempted to borrow one. My other half said he found not smoking while partying to be liberating as it was one less thing to try to do with your hands while holding a drink. I didn't see it that way, but to each his and her own. He also didn't 'see' anyone smoking whereas I could point out every smoker there as I'd already taken note!

I am now only cutting up a few lozenges a day. During the daytime I only cut one at a time unless I'm going out and need to have more with me. I've also made sure to put lots more tic tac and similar type lollies in my little tin so that I can choose an alternate instead of a nicotine quarter at times. One of my favourites are Jols as they are small, sugar free, have a very nice taste and also 'absorb' some of the nicotine dust from the cut up lozenges so it keeps my tin tidy.

I've found that I'm reading much more since I've quit smoking. I've always been aware that reading and smoking makes the books smell and yellows the pages. Now I don't have to worry about that, and it's become a new bedtime habit to read at night. I've also become a BookCrosser at BookCrossing.com - books and releasing books is a much healthier habit than smoking, and a lot more fun too!

12 Weeks
Journal Entry: Sun October 03, 2004, 4:00 PM

Tomorrow marks 12 weeks for me. That's 3 months! So to honour that landmark, here's the list that I wrote 3 months ago with reasons why I quit and things that would change:

Reasons for Quitting:

More time for other things like Ebay. (I'd been spending an hour or two every night rolling smokes for the next day).
Everyone else in house will be quit.
Breast reconstruction. I get more choices for reconstruction if I quit. If not, I could only get implants.
Bones will heal. (I had several broken ribs that had been weakened from radiation therapy).
Bedroom and workshop will smell better.
Workshop will be cleaner.
Can advertise 'smoke free environment' on Ebay listings.
Eventually will have more money not wasted on smokes.
Less coughing.
Movie, Travel, Restaurants more enjoyable.
No dragging ashtrays from room to room.
No having to sneak in a quick faq on way to friends car when out.
No more feeling stupid hanging around outside smoking.
No more dirty ashtrays.
No more ashes everywhere.
No more burned clothes (rare but it did happen now and then).
No more burned fingers.
No more messy rolling.
No more hours wasted rolling smokes. OK so that goes with the first one, but it bears repeated. A LOT of my day used to be wasted.
More fun visiting friends and relies.

My sister sent me these additional reasons:

Your windows, when you get around to washing them will last years - clean (remember you stated out as a 'I hate Housework' person!)
You will no longer cause asthma attacks as you pass by!
You will not cause people with allergies to avoid you
You will not miss a ton of gossip because you have to go out to smoke during gatherings with friends (but you will miss the gossip of the smokers)
You will be able to give your (gently used) out-of-size clothes away to Goodwill without having to wash them
You will be able to smell things that are pleasant longer (the same is true for dreadful odors but... oh well, small price to pay)

15 Weeks
Journal Entry: Mon October 25, 2004, 10:47 PM

Well I had a little set back yesterday, but I'm not going to let that get the better of me. The folks at Nicabate tell ya to avoid drinking for awhile and well, I have to agree with them. I was at a bar last night and had had a dreadful awful day and things weren't looking like improving much and I was on my own so I walked next door and bought a pack of cigarettes. I smoked a few and now they are put away as in the light of day there's nothing about them that I like and I really don't want to be stuck with them. They're really nasty and stink and there's nothing nice I have to say about them. Some people would assume that just because you had a couple when you shouldn't that you should go right back on em again. Bullshit. I don't like them, I'm not going to smoke them. I still don't want to waste hours of my life on them. I don't want to waste my life smoking them. So I won't. Dusting off hands, that's that. Walks away whistling....

17 Weeks
Journal Entry: Mon Nov 8, 2004, 01:12 AM

And I'm STILL a non-smoker! But after that week above, it has been really hard and there've been lots of times I didn't think I would make it through.

27 Weeks (6 Months!)
Journal Entry: Mon Jan 17, 2005, 10:00 PM

Wow, I've noticed I've had lots of traffic on this page from people looking up quiting smoking on Google. If that's how you arrived here, please know that it's not easy but it can be done. I am happy to report that I am a still a non smoker. I've learned to take precautions in some situations, like when drinking I still make sure I have nicotine lozenges (I cut them into quarters) available. The nice thing is ... I don't have to be a metre from the bar like smokers do when at the pub. I still have times of frustration, but it's really only a temporary thing and the desire goes away fairly quick. Generally I try to have a Jols as they last a few minutes and by time I finish one any urges to smoke have gone away.

If you're just starting out, hang in there! It does get better!

38 Weeks (over 9 Months!)
Journal Entry: Mon April 4, 2005, 11:00 PM

The good news is that I'm still a non smoker. The bad news is I'm still addicted to nicotine. But, I've tried an experiment and have managed to cut my nicotine lozenge use down by using nicotine gum. I've been using 4mg lozenges cut into quarters (so that's about 1mg nicotine per quarter). Normally I have several of these a day (like about 5 or 6 full lozenges worth). So today the next supply of lozenges arrived (I order them from Pharmacy Direct online) as well as the 2mg nicotine gum I ordered. So since 3pm this afternoon I've only had about 1 whole lozenge and have only been using 1 piece of gum. So I think the end of my nicotine addiction is definitely in site. Overall, I'm not too fussed that I'm still on nicotine, as long as I'm not lighting up smokes. Some days are better than others, but wow, I hope I have lots more like today. I'm quite proud of this achievement!

A Whole YEAR!!
Journal Entry: Thurs July 15, 2005, 11:59 PM

Wow!!! Both Rod and I have managed to make it an entire year without smoking! His anniversary was on the 1st of the month, and I made him garlic sweet chili prawns that turned out amazing. And since we can taste things better these days it was even more special. On my anniversary, Rod took me to a buffet dinner. It wasn't as good as the garlic sweet chili prawns, but it was very enjoyable and I even had a baileys over ice. That was very yummy.

Yes, I think I've become more of a foodie than I was before I gave up smoking and unfortunately I've added a few pounds (bugger) but I'm not letting it rule me.

And, to make things even nicer, I finally have my surgery date for breast reconstruction which is one of the things that influenced my wanting to quit smoking. As a smoker, the only option that I had was for implants. As a non-smoker, I pretty much could choose any time that I wanted. It's wonderful that just as I reached the 1yr anniversary my time on the waiting list finally reached an end. What a very nice anniversary gift!

I'm not sure if I will add to this journal or not in future. I may still use it when I wean myself off of the Nicotine lozenges (yes I'm still using them). Or perhaps will write when I have any cravings. Be sure to stop in now and then just in case.

And to those of you who have recently quit -- keep at it! You can make it!

A bit of stress
Journal Entry: Weds Sept 28, 2005, 11:23 PM

I've had quite a hard time lately, but I'm still on the nicotine lozenges. My mum-in-law has taken up smoking again with a vengence and the smell is everywhere. I alternate between really wanting a cigarette and wishing she'd quit as it makes her cough and she gets nicotine poisoning and feels ill from it. It's a vicious cycle. And the smell is awful (which helps to put me off falling off the wagon). We're in the middle of a move, have some huge work stuff to deal with, and I'm still recovering from my reconstruction surgery and have had some hellacious pain from toothaches. But so far I haven't given in to the desire. Anyway, I thought I'd share that I'm still struggling a bit with this. I'm not sure how I'd be going if it weren't for the lozenges though. I'll just keep hanging in there. You hang in there too!!

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